January 1, 2014: NEW GOALS, and a NEW WORD

Each new year, I love to choose a word to inspire my heart to become a stronger woman, a more loving mother, a better companion to my awesome husband, and to help me grow in spirit and testimony as a daughter of God.

During the Thanksgiving Holiday, I had some one-on-one time with my dad.  When we were alone one night and talking in the car, I shared with him some things going on that I just brushed off as a new "normal" although they were very negative and bitter.  As we talked about things, I realized that I was allowing someone else's bitterness toward me affect me.  He suggested I need to forgive and move on, move forward with Dave in a way that allow my freed heart and spirit to co-lead our sweet family.  

And thus, my word for 2014 will be

Forgiveness

If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would need to choose this word, I would have contested it and felt even a bit insulted.  Completely.  One of my greatest blessings has been that of relationships.  And in a lifetime of literally thousands of positive friendships and relationships, there is one that has been dealt to me that is unfair in every way.  It is one laced with bitterness and with an intent to hurt.  And it has hurt.  Badly.  It has hurt not just me, but my spouse and children.  And although I believe deep in my heart that this person does not want what is best for me or my family, I do need to forgive.  

Perhaps the greatest obstacle for me in the process to forgive has been fear.  Fear of expectations of others, of new expectations.  Fear that decisions we make in the best interest of our family will be misinterpreted as not what forgiveness should look like.  Fear that we will have to surrender what we believe is right for our family in order to keep peace in the bigger family.  

But on that cold night in the car, my wise father reminded me that forgiveness will bring me peace.  And that even one or two kind sentences, however rejected or received, will bring ME peace of heart and allow the spirit to better direct my life.

Inspired by one Holocaust survivor in particular, who after giving a speech on forgiveness recognized a Nazi guard who had been in particularly horrible to her and her sister, said that when the former-Nazi guard came up to speak to her, extended his hand to hers.  She said, although there were no words, the only thing she could do was pray that the Lord would help her extend her hand in forgiveness. 

And he helped her.

As he will help me.